悶

2007年12月, 我又去了L.A.一趟, 這是我們一起過的第一個聖誕節, 亦是我第一次跟你慶祝生日。雖然你一向對於節日不太重視,但你的一切對我來說都是重要的,所以我對於今次的旅程很是期待。

我們都是悶人, 沒有很多興趣,尤其是我。他亦不懂浪漫,不懂找節目。而事實上, 美國的生活就是這麼悶,不及香港的多姿多彩。可能就是這個縁故,我們許多時候都留在家中,他時常也會問我：「點呀?今日想去邊度呀?」對於我來說,我真的不知道有什麼地方可以去,亦不能找到什麼可做。他見我千里迢迢與他見面,他很想每一天也不浪費時間,好好利用每一天;所以如果我們只留在家中,對他來說可能是一種壓力。

那一天,他終於發脾氣。我們的車走在小韓區,
他又問我：「點呀?想去邊度呀?」
我答：「我點知去邊啫」
他問：「你都要講下卦... 咁返去,唔好去」

然後,他便立刻u-turn

我即說：「咁不如去返頭經過嗰公園行啦」
他氣冲冲的答：「唔去,返去,好攰,返去瞓」
我好怕, 已經唔敢再出聲, 他正在生氣。

回到家中,他不發一言,即刻跳進被窩裡。

我呆呆的坐着,不知怎算好~

我唯有開動他那已中毒的電腦。幸好有點事可做,不然我只會呆在他旁邊。我只有靜靜的維修着,不敢太大聲吵醒他。

幾小時後,他終於睡醒。然後我們若無其事的去食飯。其實那天是他生日。我們坐車回去,

他在車上跟我說:「A....今日唔好意思,你咁遠來到我唔應該咁...」

他這麼一說,我的心也軟了。事實上,我亦沒有怪責他;也不是他的錯。我愛他的其中一個原因,就是他很坦白。他會再討論我們之間發生過的事,不許這小小的爭吵埋藏心底,把所有的問題立即化解。所以,我跟他在一起我有十萬個放心。

今天只有我一人,他的離開不是因為我們中間出現了什麼問題。問題在於實際環境,及他要去找他的森林。

愛難捨

原來愛一個人可以那麼痛苦, 這種分開的難受, 除了自己以外, 無人可以幇到你‧

分開一個多星期以來, 我們由可以談話到他討厭聽我的說話, 一切都是怪自己對他愛得太深, 不能自拔,不可以好好控制自己.

愛他, 他要分開, 我心裏千萬個不願意.但我可以不放手嗎?

我知道自己可以不顧一切的嫁給他, 但他珼在已看不見我了.他眼中只有很多個的她.

我離開了.讓自己沉在一角, 讓他去見識出面的世界. 他說他以往錯失很多機會,現在知道可以怎樣做,難道我們以前在一起真的那麼不願意嗎?七年的時間裏, 如果不是他不知道那裏找機會,我們還會在一起嗎?難道我們相處七年內, 沒有感情可言嗎?

我所看到的是, 他很愛我, 我一早已認定他為我的終身伴侶, 只是我一直放不下家庭...

他給我一種無比的安全感, 我很清楚知道他內心任何想法, 我們互相也非常了解對方.

我們很喜歡旅遊. 我們不一定要花許多錢, 沒有血拼, 沒有大魚大肉, 更加沒有高級酒店.一天到晚沒有坐車, 用我們二人的雙腿, 走遍他方的每一個角落. 這些點點滴滴, 依然浮現在我腦海. 那一刻我們都相信, 我們可以手牽手一起走完我們的人生路. 當時我們所堅持的在那裏呢?

人生是否就這樣? 我以為找到了, 卻又忽然消失了?

Everything is over...

i have tried hard to get him back. but "i have been too aggressive" that he can't accept it at all. all i want is to have him back. i know it clearly right now. we are impossible to be together any more.

i know my actions recently scare him away. i regret i did it. it's all because i love him very much that i can't help myself. he won't chanage his mind especially because of my reactions lately.

i really hope we can be friends again. it's better to know his life rather than a stranger. i hope he wont hate me that much.

let's the pain keep inside my heart...

Breakup

Everything is finished. I am with this guy for 7 years. All of a sudden, we break up finally. He said he changed his mind. He said he wants new life on his own when he woke up one day. I dont know what makes him change. He cannot explain it as well. He said I didnt do anything wrong. But all he wants to do now is to breakup with me. I cannot accept it suddenly. Who can?

I really want him back. But he already firmly refused. Is it really impossible for us? He wont change after he makes the decision.

He lives in Seattle and I live in HK. He wanted to marry me for a long time. I needed to consider for my family in HK. Just before I said "Yes, I do". He decided to breakup. I regret that I didnt tell him earlier. He wont come back to me any more. He always said we can be friends, but I expect more to us. I can go to his place immediately now, but he doesnt want me to.

He is such a good guy that I have never met. We went through everything. Why can't we fix the current problems now as well? What can I do to have him back???