喜訊

最近許多朋友、同事紛紛傳出喜訊，有的準備結緍，有的孩子剛剛出世，我替他人高興時，百般感覺在心頭。

這些喜訊本來也與我非常接近，唯一切是意料之外，我感到好無奈；說實話，我既羡慕又妒忌。只差一點點，沒有還是沒有，再不能免強。

可以結婚時不結，現在空想亦只能當作一場夢，沒有後悔的餘地。

結婚這回事似乎跟我絶緣。

I want you to make me happy

I read this today... and make me think that I did too much for other people in the past.

I always think if I can do something for other people, they can feel how much care I concern about them. If they can be happy, I will be happy. But unfortunately, there's no such rule in the world. No matter how much you do, you cannot expect what you can get in return. On the other hand, what can make me happy? I also want to know.

"I want you to make me happy!" Can I just request someone to do it for me? No... "Why do I need to make you happy?" "Who can make me happy then?" It's an endless questions and answers.

I am totally confused and I still need something to heal me which I don't think I can find it...

Released

I don’t know what to describe my feelings right now… I feel so released since late Aug.... since the day I wrote the email?.. what make me have this feeling finally? I don’t know… is it the feeling that I know whatever I say I do will never end up to the results that I want to have? Is it the feeling that I totally understand your feeling?

I don’t understand men and I don’t understand myself .... but I think it's the most comfortable feeling I have so far.... I know what feeling I have for you during my whole life and nothing can change it... and I know it's time to let you be what you want to have...

Thanks...